The most difficult thing so far about writing a novel in one month happened around the 25,000 word mark for me. It was the voices – and what they said.
Now, don’t get freaked that I’m saying this. I don’t mean I heard them audibly, but it was an invasion of my inner quiet moments.
As a new fiction writer, I’ve found value in learning to silence myself and allow whatever is floating in my head to drop to the page.
The voices I hear while writing are the opposite of creativity: They are fixed on sabotage. Here are the phrases each voice likes to repeat.
1) This it the best thing ever written. Yeah, you didn’t think I was conceited did you? Well, I’m actually not. This voice booms when I find those ten awesome words out of the hundred awful words. He tells me to rest on my laurels and not make such a big deal out of sitting in that chair and letting what’s inside come out.
He says, “Dude, lets just go get that mansion now on the way to that six-figure book deal.”
Nice try, french fry! From what I’ve read of the writing process, this is the one of the easiest parts – just getting it on the page. What follows is the re-write, where I get the opportunity to step into the holes I created in this plot, the agent query, where I get to hear how I’m not special, and the editor, where I get to hear how my stuff is cool, but worthless apart from professional intervention.
Those descriptions of the process are exaggerated to make a point, but this book is far from done if I want to put it on a Barnes and Noble bookshelf.
2) This is the biggest piece of crap ever written (I seriously shouldn’t even be allowed to own a computer because of how bad it is). Yeah, I’ve heard this guy far more than the first. This is when self-doubt kicks in and you realize that this thing you just gave birth to not only has extra limbs, but it’s got wings and it’s flying all over the freaking delivery room causing chaos.
This voice says, “Wait, you’re actually going to let people read this? Really? Why don’t you just poison the town’s drinking water while your at it?”
I don’t know how other authors look at it, but I truly look at what I’m doing in this stage as producing raw material with hidden gems therein. I’ve texted some of my friends and beta readers a line here and a quote there. I stand back and think, “Wow, that’s pretty cool that I wrote that, but yuck! Who put all this garbage before and after that? Oh, wait, that was me as well.”
3) Whoa, if __________________ knew you were doing this, they would laugh! This voice has a fancy way of saying that your creativity is useless. This is especially true if you’re like me, and have never written a book before.
This voice comes in many forms, and it usually takes the tone of someone else. It says, “Oh, so you have time to do that, but you failed this project at work?” Or, “Wow, I can’t believe that you are still doing that. That’s kind of a waste of time.”
The rebuttal: those people don’t need to know. And this is the most important lesson that I’ve learned: if you’re doing this for any other reason than for you and for the thrill of it, you’ll not have steam to finish.
You can’t estimate the value of your passion based on someone else’s measuring tool.
Some do things for money. Others for attention.
I’m writing for the writing. Even if I throw this thing into a (digital) trunk, on November 30, I’m going to say I wrote a fiction book. It only took me 25 years and 30 days!